Does Using Tinder Make Me a Slut?
I’ve recently moved out and I’m feeling like with all those years living at home, I’ve missed out on exploring sex and being open. But I am also conflicted and wondering does using Tinder and anything else make me a bit of a slut? Is upping my number (sexually) something I want to do and have to deal with? Do you have any advice or suggestions?
Breanna, 28 years old
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Your number, whether it is one or 61 or 101, is no one else’s business but your own. I don’t care who asks, you don’t ever have to share that information with a lover, a friend or anyone else.
I honestly feel the word slut should be removed from dictionaries altogether because if you take it to mean – a woman who sleeps with a lot of men/too many men/is too free with her sexuality – then that is just BS as far as I am concerned.
You are a woman with sexual desires and it is completely healthy that you want to explore that.
What can sometimes be problematic with Tinder and casual sex is how women explore that freedom because if we don’t keep our wits about us, we can get ourselves into unsafe situations.
With the safety aspect, we can be really naïve about what could happen to us. When you add alcohol and drugs, our defences go down and it can go very bad. So be smart and listen to your intuition at all times. If something feels off, walk away. Don’t question it, just walk. Checking in with yourself is a good way to help you stay safe.
If you’re going back to their place, know that you’ll be in their environment. This makes you a more vulnerable. Always tell someone where you’re going and who you are meeting.
Always have the condom conversation (take one with you) and make sure he wears it and keeps it on for the duration.
The number of men who still try to avoid wearing condoms is complete BS – I can’t believe we still need to have that conversation. If he won’t wear it then he doesn’t value his health or yours. This is a big red flag and a good reason to walk away. I don’t care how hot he is – your health is more important than some casual sex that results in an STI or an unwanted pregnancy.
Breanna, go out there and do what feels good for you. Be safe and enjoy your sexuality without guilt. It’s your right as a woman to do so.
Lots of love,
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