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How do I Become More Self-Loving and Confident?

Oct 27, 2020Mental Health, Self Worth

Dear Lucretia How Can I be More Self Loving?

Dear Lucretia,

How do I become more self-loving and confident? It’s dragging me down so much and I don’t feel good enough for anyone. I’ve tried so many things but my motivation always gets overpowered and nothing changes.

Sophia, 17 years old

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Dear Sophia, 
First of all, stop worrying about being good enough for someone else – that is not the ultimate prize in this game called life. The prize is accepting yourself as the beautiful and unique being you are, and never apologising for who you are.

Self-worth is something a lot of us struggle with (even me) so know that you’re not alone. But it can be worked on and improved. One of the most helpful things is to stop looking to other people to give you validation. I know we’re taught to seek the approval of others and we flourish when this happens. But life can’t be about them, it has to be about you.

I want you to go on a journey to work out who you are. Journaling is a great way to begin – and yes, I know you might be thinking, “How will writing down my trivial thoughts help anything?”

When we write (by hand, not on a computer or device), it is very hard to lie to ourselves about how we really feel. Instead, we are honest and vulnerable because we know that no one else will ever read our words. This suddenly makes it much easier to have all those feelings we think others will judge us for. So, write every day and just let your thoughts flow out. No one else is going to read it so be brutally honest.
 

My second suggestion is you spend more time focusing on what you love and are passionate about. I don’t care if it’s crochet, running, films from the 1940s or a charity you want to support. Find the thing that you love doing then prioritise it in your life. Do it every day if you want or schedule it in once a week. The most important thing is that you do it regularly because you feel good when you do it and you care about it. And, if you don’t know what your thing is yet, then try random activities every week until you find it. Trust me, it is out there. In fact, there is probably more than one thing that you will love.

Finally (and this might be difficult for you), I want you to catch yourself every time you feel guilty about investing this time in yourself. Your mind may tell you things like: “This journaling is a waste of time and nothing you have to say is interesting” or “You should be doing things for other people all the time instead of focusing on yourself – you’re so selfish.”

When you get these thoughts in your head, I want you to notice them and then say, “Thank you mind, but today I’m going to try something else.” Then keep going.

How will this help you to feel more self-loving and confident? Well, firstly journaling will help release all the emotional energy you are holding in your body. It will also help recognise how you really feel about things so you can start making decisions that are better for you (instead of serving other people’s interests all the time). This will also help you accept yourself more.

Secondly, focusing on what you love always makes us feel better and our passions light us up like nothing else can. Often, this helps us connect with other like-minded souls who are also passionate about the same things.

Lots of love,

Got a question?

Lucretia gives honest and practical advice to help you choose the best path for you. It’s all about taking the filters off and helping young women value themselves more. Click the button to ask your question today!

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