Dealing with Frenemies

Oct 27, 2020Friends, Mental Health

Dealing with Frenemies

Dear Lucretia,

My friend has changed a lot lately. She barely even speaks to me and my other friends and when we try to talk to her she just ignores us and continues talking to her new friend. I am having a gathering and she told us she didn’t want to come and she would rather hang with her new friend. But when I told her that a boy she was crushing over was coming she decided to come.

The other day I noticed something was off as she blew me off for no reason. It turns out she was telling all my other friends that our friendship was toxic and started to cry. I don’t know whether I want to mend our friendship, but I know that all my other friends will turn on me, and I don’t want to lose them. Thanks for helping me.

Silvia, 16 years old

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Dear Silvia, 
Teenage relationships can be very complicated but it’s important you stay true to yourself. If this girl only wants to spend time with you when it will benefit her in some way, that is very toxic – for you. And if your others decide to turn on you, that means they weren’t very good friends to begin with.

Sometimes we get so caught up in wanting someone to like us back that we lose our way. My advice is that you sit down and have a good think about your relationship with this girl. Have you been deliberately mean to her in any way? If so, apologise and move forward. If not, then it is time to assess whether this friendship is really a friendship at all. 

Friends can have a bad day and be snappy, then apologise later. After all, life is challenging and sometimes we take our unhappiness out on the people closest to us. But, it doesn’t sound like this is happening in your friendship. 

True friends are kind and supportive. They don’t try to compete with us for popularity and they don’t make up stories about us either. I understand that often we want someone to like us but not everyone will…and that is okay. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person because your worth is not based on what someone else thinks. 

It doesn’t sound like it is up to you to “mend” this friendship. It would probably be healthier to step back and let her go.

Lots of love,

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