How Can I Value Myself More?
How can I value myself more?
Over the past five years, I’ve overcome a lot of personal obstacles and worked hard on my mental health but I still don’t see the worth and value others see in me. I don’t see myself as someone to be proud of. How can I feel better about who I am and be happy?
Kara, 17 years old
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Many of us struggle for a long time to see our own value and it doesn’t feel fair sometimes that other people can see what we don’t.
Self-worth is a tricky thing that needs to be built from the ground up. And if you’ve had a shaky start, for whatever reason, it will take a while to build. But that’s okay. Understand that it isn’t a race. It is a journey. I know that might sound annoying because we live in a world where we’re taught that things must be fixed instantly so we can move on quickly. But real life isn’t like that.
Every human being on this planet is valuable and worthy. The challenge is to discover this knowledge within yourself.
Perhaps you could start by sitting with the idea of giving and receiving. Many sensitive souls (like you) think you must give and give and give more, to be worthy. But that is only part of the story. Giving and receiving must be a cycle that goes out and returns, then goes out again. You must give to yourself and receive from others, just as much as you give out. Only then will things be balanced.
Find a cause you care about, something you want to help with – it might be a charity, a group or something similar. Focus your energy on that cause and your desire to make a difference and help others (humans, animals, the environment, etc.). But, for every contribution you make, I want you to give something back to yourself too. It might be you allow yourself to say “Thank you” and accept a compliment from someone (instead of brushing it off). You could gift yourself time to do something you love or maybe just have a nap because you are tired and will feel better for it.
I know these things might sound silly and trivial but I assure you, they are not. Practising the art of giving and receiving, with the knowledge that you are an important and valuable part of that cycle, is a healthy way to live your life. It will also ensure that you don’t burn out.
I’m guessing from your letter that it might feel uncomfortable to give to yourself in this way. But practice makes perfect. And no, before you ask, giving to yourself as much as you give to others is not selfish. It is healthy because ensuring your needs are met first, will ensure you can continue to help others. As they say on the planes, put on your own oxygen mask first before you help the person next to you.
I hope my advice helps you Kara. You are a wonderful human being who absolutely deserves lots of love and joy in your life.
Lots of love,
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Lucretia gives honest and practical advice to help you choose the best path for you. It’s all about taking the filters off and helping young women value themselves more. Click the button to ask your question today!